A Kaleidoscope of English Movies

I love my list of the ‘Top 5′ and am fiercely protective about it, its obvious isn’t it, it reflects the choice of a whole generation, alright I might be exaggerating a bit, but you gotta give it to me, you agree with me sometimes, come on accept it. 

My today’s ‘Top 5′ is again about those five films which have etched a lasting impression on our minds, so much so that every time we think about them a chill runs down our spine, you got it right once again, these movies are horror unparalleled, by now I am sure you are expecting the list to start with probably an ‘Exorcist’ leading the way, but horror can be of many kinds, sometimes it can be in the form of having to spend maybe 2 hrs or more in a theatre packed with people who might cause a riot at the end of it, because the movie was so bad that they want a refund, and guys who own the theatre feel you watched it at your own risk, or maybe when your girl wants you to take her out on a date to one these horror shows and you have already been forewarned by a friend, who has been in one of those riots. Before reading this blog becomes a as much of a horror let me get on with the list, well as soon as I ramble on a bit more. When you pay homage to the best in the business all the time, you feel you are being unfair to the ones that are the worst, and as the famous saying that I have famously coined goes’ if you can’t be good, be so bad that you are good’. There are two kinds of bad films ones that you go to expecting them to be bad, and then there are those where you are caught totally unawares especially when they have your favorite Actor/Actress or Director in them and its the kind of horror offered by the latter that’s the subject of my list for today, so this time for real, here goes…………………… 

1)Waterworld:

   I sometimes stand outside my local movie theatre hoping, along with many others like me, that someday they would give me a refund. The reason I feel cheated is because Waterworld had one of my favourite actors, Kevin’JFK’Costner, and also one of the best actors in Hollywood Dennis Hopper. But an hour into the film and only one thought continually ran through my head “Water Water everywhere and not a drop of entertainment to spare”, nope I wasn’t so creative at that point, but that’s the gist of how I felt. 

2)Battlefield Earth:

John’Grease’Travolta playing an alien and a villainous alien at that, the thought sounded exciting, but Barry Pepper as a new age Messiah, that’s difficult to digest especially when it’s difficult to digest that someone like him can get to be an actor. I guess I don’t need to add how the whole experience turned out. 

3) Batman and Robin:

The movie looked more like a Broadway musical minus the songs, in fact once or twice I was half expecting Arnold to just break into one, add to that a palette of colors all around, and Clooney’s laconic humor which was for the first time I felt ill placed, and you had a cocktail for disaster. Not even Alicia Silverstone in a tight rubber suit and Uma Thurman trying to be all seductive in some hideous makeup and a green costume could save the day. 

4)Gigli:

They got the wrong Ben for this movie, maybe a Stiller instead of an Affleck would have made it more respectable, and maybe a Stiller would have made a better pair with JLo than an Affleck. Two of the worst actors in the industry, their off screen pair was as much a hit as their onscreen pair, this movie probably turned out to be the divine intervention that was needed to end the horrible affair off-screen. 

5) Proof of Life:

 Every time two top Hollywood actors start dating, and get a lot of media coverage, some studio executive has a light bulb flash on the top his head, and some director hopes this would be the next great love affair a la Elizabeth Taylor and Richard Burton if you will, and before the relationship can last the test of time they swoop in like birds of prey to cash in on this chemistry. In this case though the affair between Russell Crowe and Meg Ryan began during the shoot of this movie, so we shouldn’t really blame the executives, if anyone is to blame here it’s the actors themselves, especially for having absolutely no on screen or off screen chemistry, honestly the movie wasn’t half bad, but every time I looked at Crowe and Ryan on screen together, it felt as if Crowe was more of an affectionate younger brother to Ryan. So when Crowe in the end tries a Bogart from Casablanca you feel relieved these two didn’t end up together.

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